Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Polarization of Mommies....

In the wee hours of the night, as I rocked my littlest guy to sleep, my mind began to wander and I started to think about how things have changed since my oldest boys were babies.  See, I'm a pushin' 40 Momma again to a baby - with an 8 and almost 12 yr old...and, let me tell you - A LOT has changed.  The gadgets are cooler, safety regulations are completely different and everything is more expensive.  But, as I rocked and reminisced, I realized one of the biggest differences is....the polarization of Mommies.  I am absolutely amazed at the countless categories of Moms that are circulating right now and how these "labels" affect how we treat one another and who we "hang" with.  Twelve years ago, in my Mommy world - the three big categories were - are you a working mom or a stay at home mom, do you breast or bottle feed and do you let your baby cry it out? And, guess what - none of us really cared about the answer - we were just happy to be with other Mommies!!  Sleepless nights, fussy teethers, boogers and baby bellies bonded us all.  The differences really didn't matter.  Fast forward to 2014 and add these to the list - are you attachment, detachment, hands free? Do you room share, bed share or does baby sleep in his own room?  Do you baby wear, use cloth or disposable diapers, incorporate baby led solids/homemade baby food or store bought baby food? Do you vax or non-vax? (p.s. - I'm not touching that one with a 10 foot pole!)  And, that's not even half of the labels we use today!  It's mind boggling how we have created so many different categories for Mommies and even more sad is how these labels have polarized us.  I am a member of a Facebook group for "crunchy" Mommas. Many of my parenting practices would be considered "crunchy" so I thought I could benefit from this group and learn some new things.  Sadly, this has not been my experience.  Even within these categories - there is judging and bashing - I just don't get it.  Here is my philosophy, and it's real simple - "Gurl....You do what you gotta do!"  We, as parents, are tasked with the greatest job in the world - raising amazing human beings. This is also the toughest job in the world and instead of focusing on our differences - we need to look to the things that make us one.  We are Mommas, we love our babies - more than life itself, and we are all doing the best we can.  Yes, we have different parenting practices and we make different decisions for our families - decisions that after much discussion, research and gut checking are the best for OUR family.  Know a Momma who does things a little different than you?  Awesome!!!  Support her, love her, hang out with her....learn from each other.  And, never forget...we all put our dirty yoga pants on one leg at a time!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this!!  Keep it clean and keep it nice or I will shut it down in a hot second!!  ;)      

6 comments:

  1. Moms can be vicious in the online mommyland. If anything it makes new moms feel more alienated and alone. The experienced moms should be reaching out to those (like me) who don't really have a clue, we are just trying to do our best! I read as many articles as possible, but most of it is just gut instinct and nobody should be blasted online for that. I have a post coming soon on social media's influence on manners!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whitney - I agree 100%!! As I wrote this post I realized the biggest change was the internet. Social media was nothing like it is today - there was no FB, Instagram, Twitter....it was just us, figuring it all out together. Welcome to the club new Mommy! We were all right where you are and I honestly believe that we will never 100% figure it out. Kids are constantly changing and we just have to roll with the punches and change our strategies as needed. And - keep on trusting that gut instinct - there's nothing like a good MommyGut! I look forward to checking out your post :)

      Delete
  2. There are no social repercussions either for most of the nastiness online. I've seen so many mommies say heinous things they would never say in person to a total stranger online. Common courtesy and respect have gone out the window.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right! It's really sad!

      Delete
  3. I think you hit the nail on the head with this:
    "We are Mommas, we love our babies - more than life itself, and we are all doing the best we can. Yes, we have different parenting practices and we make different decisions for our families - decisions that after much discussion, research and gut checking are the best for OUR family. "
    We all do what we feel is right for us. If we did things all the same, we'd live in a pretty boring world. Keep on keepin' on, Momma. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen, Momma!! Can't we all just get along??? ;)

      Delete