Friday, May 30, 2014

The Laundry Chair

Don't play! You know you have one! It might be a chair, the guest room bed, the top of your washer and dryer....we all have a place where the laundry is clean, somewhat fresh and then waits for days to be folded and put away. If you are one of those moms who folds and puts your laundry away as soon as the dryer buzzer dings....I'm sorry, you really need to work on your time management skills. You are obviously not spending enough time poring over Facebook, watching reality shows and drinking...... Get your priorities straight lady!  So here's my "laundry chair":
And, this is not half bad!  There are actually stacks of folded laundry patiently waiting to be placed in their forever home.  Some of these poor guys never make it into those nice warm drawers, they spend their whole lives in the vicious laundry cycle....laundry room floor, washer, dryer, chair, body, repeat.  You may notice something special about our laundry chair....every so often you will find dirty clothes scattered around the floor. Someone in this house, ummhmmm, me.....just drops their dirty clothes right at the base of the laundry chair and grabs something clean.  It's an ugly, ugly situation......  I think I need a laundry intervention. Nah, I'll just fold some towels while I watch Real Housewives. What's that??? Oh, you don't have any clean socks in your drawer?   Check the chair!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Would the "Real" Real Housewives please stand up?

I looove me some reality tv! And, Bravo's Real Housewives are tops on my list. I DVR each season and watch them every time my big kids leave the room...sometimes it takes me a week to finish one episode but it's worth it. And, I must admit...those Jersey girls are my fave...hands down. I mean who doesn't love some good 'ol mob connection, sauce making, table flippin' drama??? Can't.Get.Enough! I especially love how every morning they wake up with perfect hair and lip gloss....'cuz this is my reality of course. Who am I kidding....I'm lucky if I wake up in my own bed!
Here's how a REAL episode of a real housewife would look:
Your day starts at the butt crack of dawn, you actually feel as if the day before never ended, you might be might not, chances are you have slept in the yoga pants and tshirt you wore yesterday. You go to wake one kid for school, now this one is your easy one...he hops right out of bed but immediately starts with an attitude because his fave 3 pairs of silky shorts aren't clean, the other 6 pairs he owns are not good, go wake up your 2nd kid....this one, not so easy. You beg, plead, and threaten just to get him out of bed. You dress him while he is still asleep and give him 5 min to get downstairs or else! You then stumble downstairs where your hubby is showered, dressed and starting coffee. Grrrrr..... So, you make the lunches you should have made the night before and send that good smellin' man of yours to go and get HIS children downstairs.  All the while, you are praying for the baby to sleep just long enough to get everybody out the door....he doesn't.  Breakfast time! Nobody wants what you have to offer and they whine and moan through whatever you end up fixing them. Now it's time for shoes, which they can never find, teeth brushing and fixin' hair. If you have boys, this last segment of the morning will be filled with them trying to trip, tackle or scare each other. Oh, and insert hungry baby in the middle of all the insanity. Finally, you get everybody out the door and on their way.  If you're a momma who works outside of the home.....Lord help! Oh, and it's only 7:15.....

Tuesday, May 27, 2014 name is Mommy, and I'm addicted to sniffing my baby's head.....

There's nothing quite like nuzzling your sweet little one's fuzzy noggin' to give you a good 'ol Mommy Fix. Scientist have actually shown that the smell of a newborn's head has addictive properties, especially for their mothers. However, this is one addiction I never want to break. See, I'm not just a mom to a sweet little babe, I'm also a mom to two big handsome boys. And, I know all too well that this sweet little heaven scented fuzzy top will not last forever. In just a few short years, he will acquire that "boy smell" and he definitely will not sit long enough for me to snuggle and nuzzle him. So, until then...I will get my fix as much as he'll allow and savor the moment. Until, he pukes down my shirt....oh well, moment over....until next time :)

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Stop laughing, you're making me feel sick!

Stop laughing, you're making me feel sick! Words uttered to me by our 8 yr old son as my husband and I laughed about a potential future post.... I mean, let's face it, kids are honest, brutally honest, sometimes downright mean! Now, if he had dared utter these words in public, his bike riding, tv watching, xbox loving days would come to a quick close but my husband and I just shared amused, shocked faces and laughed even harder. To this, my son replied...seriously, I think I'm gonna throw up. Well, get a bucket my friend...'cuz you are seriously cracking us up! What are some of the meanest, ummm most honest things your kiddos have said to you???

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Double A's.....

And, I'm not talking about boobies.....I'm talking batteries.  Oh sweet Lordy, someone should do a study on how many AA batteries one household with children goes through compared to a household without.  I'm not a betting girl, but I'm willing to bet all of my bras the difference would be staggering.  Why bet my bras???  Well, if I'm wrong, I got nothing to lose but a drawerful of torture devices.....  Just this morning alone, we have swapped one measly pair of AA batteries between two tv remotes, one wii remote and and xbox controller.  Forget all the toys that are crying out in the middle of the night for know, that random beebop nursery rhyme song or heeheehee from Elmo that terrifies you as you close up alone downstairs....we'd love to put you out of your misery guys, but we got Netflix to browse.

Friday, May 23, 2014

The baby's asleep!!!

As I have mentioned before....our youngest, our super surprise always active 6 mos old does NOT sleep....well, unless he's attached to me. But, my prayers were answered, the stars aligned and he is asleep!! In his crib!!! Taking a for real nap! I'm so scared just writing this post is gonna jinx this moment..... I'm so beside myself that I don't know what to do first....I'm paralyzed with fear and pure giddiness!! How long will it last??? Should I nap, clean the kitchen, do laundry??? Take a shower, reheat my coffee, sit down and eat food off of a plate????  The options are staggering.  I know....I'll put on "real" clothes!!! WooHoo!! Ummm, maybe I should just do laundry....the underwear drawers are running on empty.....

Thursday, May 22, 2014

What did I come in here for?

Phone battery is almost dead so while baby is happy playing in the floor, I head upstairs for my charger. I switch over the laundry and head back downstairs, without the charger. Round 2: pop baby in his jumperoo and try again, I sense the opportunity to use the potty...alone, so I do...obsess for two seconds over my hair, gotta love that post baby fringe and come back down.....without the charger. Oh well, 3rd times a charm!!!

Fallen into the toilet lately????

Well, I have....I think this makes two times in the past week.  See, I am the only female in a house full of men.  So, the toilet seat is ALWAYS up.  I've begged, I've pleaded, I've threatened....for the love of all that's holy......PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!! It works for awhile until it doesn't and then I wander in half asleep and whammo!  Maybe I'll super glue all the toilet seats down.....nah, their aim is not that great.  Until that day when all toilet seats are equally put back in their place, I will dream of glistening toilet bowls and seats down......

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I just ate a whole sleeve of crackers....

Yep, that just happened....I ate a whole sleeve of crackers in t-minus 60 sec.  It wasn't pretty. But, in my defense, I couldn't remember if I had eaten yet today and the baby was sleeping.  My 6 mos old was actually his crib!!!  This is monumental as he NEVER naps unless he is hooked on to me.  I couldn't believe it when I tried to lay him in the crib and he didn't arch his back and act as if I was putting him in a basket made of bull rushes  headed down the Nile....Moses reference.  I literally pulled the shirt off my back and covered him with it as a blanket to see if my "scent" would help him stay asleep.  Who am I kidding? My scent is not exactly lavender and roses at the moment, now I'm trying to remember my last shower....... Probably should have showered instead of eating the crackers.

Have you gotten your "Mommy Fix" today???

You know....your "Mommy Fix"?  All the wonderful little guilty pleasures that help you survive the day.....with children!  I'm talking: finishing a cup of coffee while it's hot, sneaking brownies in the pantry, going potty with the door shut and two handed typing.  Yes, I said potty ;) This embarrasses the mess out of my almost twelve year old son,,,,Mommy Fix!! Oh well, he has two younger brothers, eight and six months....the odds are pretty good I will still ask him if he needs to go potty in front of his college roommates. Mwahahaaa!  This blog is devoted to all us mommies out there who need a little mommy fix....we are all in this together!  Now, go hide from your kids and eat a brownie!!!